"I feel like I'm running a small nursery with someone I used to date!"

Jesse (Ethan Hawke), describing his unfulfilled marriage in Before Sunset

With her utilitarian haircut, generic stretch tops and prissy "mom" shorts, Kate Gosselin -- defiant matriarch on the reality smash Jon & Kate Plus 8 (4 p.m. weekdays on TLC) -- looks every bit an army drill sergeant.

"Jon! Oh Lord have mercy -- Jon!" she bellows as her perpetually harried husband accompanies two of their eight kids out for a swim during a family beach holiday. "Hold their hands!"

Jon looks annoyed. "They're fine!" he answers quietly.

"They're not fine!" squawks Kate, unused to having her orders questioned.

And so it goes on this upstart reality hit -- actually, more of a documentary -- about a couple who gave birth to twins (now age 7) and sextuplets (age 4) when the fertility drugs prescribed by doctors overshot the mark.

Whoops. And now these innocuous nobodies, who might otherwise be living a quiet life in Anytown, U.S.A., have become heated objects of discussion on fan websites, most of which focus on Kate's bossy behaviour and antagonistic treatment of her husband.

Then again, and I repeat, they have eight kids -- that's more than The Waltons and The Brady Bunch, and no less than the Bradford clan on Eight Is Enough (though Jon Gosselin is no Dick Van Patten).

Not to worry. In a weird way, this fly-on-the-wall expos? -- by highlighting the stresses of temper tantrums, sibling spats and the logistics of diaper changes -- is performing a public service for anyone harbouring romantic notions about child-rearing.

Like The Baby Borrowers -- the controversial reality show that placed hot-to-trot teenagers in charge of infants, toddlers and kids of all ages to scare them back on birth control -- Jon & Kate's unvarnished depiction of to-do lists longer than toilet paper rolls and tensions that would threaten the healthiest marriage provides a potent counterpoint to celebrity mamas like Jamie Lynn Spears who pump one out at 17 then brag in People Magazine about "making good choices."

The plotlines are unintentionally hilarious: Jon and Kate take the kids to the beach. Jon and Kate take the kids to swimming lessons. Jon and Kate remodel their garage. Jon and Kate potty train the boys. Jon and Kate take the kids to the crayon factory.

It's so mundane, frankly, it's a wonder anyone tunes in. But as we know from the notorious Dionne quints of the '30s, there's a freak-show fascination with multiples that, left unchecked, can border on exploitation.

If Jon & Kate does one thing better than any other show, it's to demythologize the parenting process to prove that while six junior lookalikes may be cute from a distance -- "Can you get me a ducky?" -- when they get overtired and melt down in unison, it's like watching Mount Vesuvius blow it's fabled top.

"This is like a zoo!" moans Kate during one incident that features so much distraught wailing it sounds like baby seals pleading for survival somewhere off the Magdalen islands.

"This one's over here beating this one up, that one's about to fall off his chair, this one's screaming for a drink and that one has to go potty!"

Not that I'm defending Kate -- who could use a mega-dose of Prozac and a few lessons in self-control -- but given these conditions, who wouldn't be sniping at their spouse?

jrubinoff@therecord.com